I feel there is a great destiny that awaits me if only I keep challenging myself and dare to tread the forbidden paths. Quite poetic but this feeling has only grown in me over the years and I am even more convinced that my life is meant for something big. Strife will be a common visitor but I feel it is something that my mind should learn to befriend and control and channelize it positively. I have always felt that love, if genuinely felt and communicated to fellow beings will solve all our problems and I will constantly strive to achieve the highest degree of compassion towards others. I have often found myself caught up in love that is narrow and does injustice to the very word/act of love and I am determined to change that. To love all unconditionally, to let go of ego, to let go of jealousy and to genuinely share the happiness and sadness of others lives; it is a vision that I might never achieve and the modern times are making it more difficult but the real challenge is to keep myself relevant to modern society while continuing to pursue the ideals that I feel strongly towards. To not alienate either and to find perfect synergy between the two. A life without hypocrisy while pursuing the highest of ideals will surely enrich my life and help me appreciate and understand its purpose.

The constant pursuit of wisdom is what I cherish. To keep learning through out my life and pursue such ideals as a means to an intriguing end, I beckon life to throw its punches while I roll with them.

A few years ago, I began to consider myself a god believing individual. This idea stemmed from the fact that there are things in life; situations and circumstances that one attributes to a force beyond one’s understanding. Though I am unable to clearly recollect these said instances, I can still remember the sense of mystery that clouded my thoughts and consequences for simple actions that seemed inexplicable. Could such a force exist and is it the same force that millions of people around consider to be their invisible god? I was baffled and I gave in to this idea, quite reluctantly perhaps but nonetheless began to attribute certain events in my life to god. Suffice to say, I did not have any relationship with this god! None whatsoever. The existence of god was merely a thought in the remotest part of my mind tickled only by inexplicable events and consequences. My sudden choice at accepting the presence of god did not change my life nor did it bring miracles but what it certainly did was ease my mind of the wanton complex thoughts that had accumulated through constant questioning and reasoning with oneself.

Some might say I had merely accepted defeat but it is also true and I would contest anybody who can deny this, that man’s intellectual capacity to fathom the complexity of the universe is deficient and inadequate. Our mental arrogance has gotten us thus far to question norms, invent things and in many cases self destruct but has not and can never get us closer to comprehending the universe in its full glory. Yes, from Galileo to Socrates to Einstein; humanity has thrown some exemplary individuals who have revolutionized the way we look at life and the environment surrounding us but they still remain blips in an evolutionary trajectory that continues to baffle and put to shame man’s intelligence.

And now I arrive at the core of this debate. I am increasingly coming to believe that this debate as long as it remains amongst mentally inadequate humans, will seize to provide any meaningful outcomes. The exercise is merely indicative of the amusement we seem to derive out of contemplating the flaws of each other in our species. If the outcome that either party seeks is in actually changing the belief of the other, then we are in for an endless battle with ourselves without any worthy consequences.

The debate “Does god exist” has become redundant in the 21st century. We can and will continue to debate but we will have to bear in mind that with a growing number of atheists, there is also a growth in the number of god followers and god fearing individuals. Now is not the time to fight over an non-issue as the end to a religion that is deemed dangerous to humanity will never see the light of day. The dangers we talk of (war, terrorism, fundamentalism etc) that are considered a direct result of religion by many atheists will only perpetuate the faith in god for millions around the world. I say this because as we begin to witness a clear and present danger to our life or the lives of people around us, we turn to the savior that we call god to get us out of our modern misery.

At heart I remain an atheist but I am convinced that the existence of religion is inevitable. But to impose either of these opposing ideologies on anybody, young or old, is immoral and insults a free thinking mind. I leave you with the lines from Omar Khayyam’s Rubaiyat which I find fascinating.

Look not above, there is no answer there;
Pray not, for no one listens to your prayer;
Near is as near to God as any Far,
And Here is just the same deceit as There.

And do you think that unto such as you;
A maggot-minded, starved, fanatic crew:
God gave the secret, and denied it me?–
Well, well, what matters it! Believe that, too.

“Did God set grapes a-growing, do you think,
And at the same time make it sin to drink?
Give thanks to Him who foreordained it thus–
Surely He loves to hear the glasses clink!”

Peace!

So heres the deal. I am 24 and just a couple of years ago I was planning to get into a management school and by this age make an entry into a company that I was assured would pay me more than what my parents could ever make. Quite a run of the mill affair and one knew that thinking beyond it was considered nothing less than obscene. But now here I am living the life of a partial parasite and contemplating which aspect of my life is the most fucked up! Anybody to shower some sympathy?

The worlds coming to an end! You remember that scene from Annie hall, the 7 year old kid who is an amazing fatalist! I find a lot of things that I share with him and if I may digress, heres the excerpt from the movie. Woody allen – ” I am not a morose type, I am not a depressive character. You know, I was a reasonably happy kid I guess, brought up in Brooklyn during World War II” and the scene immediately shifts to his childhood where he sits with his mum on a psychiatrists couch and the mum speaks hysterically, ” He’s been depressed. All of a sudden he can’t do anything.” ” Why you depressed Alvi?” Little woody replies – ” The universe is expanding. Well the universe is everything and if its expanding then someday it will break apart and that will be the end of everything”! His mum gets frantic and yells, ” what is that your business? He stopped doing his homework. Whats the universe got to do with it. You are here in Brooklyn, Brooklyn isn’t expanding.” Doc says, “and it won’t expand for billions of years yet Alvi and we gotta try and enjoy ourselves while we are here, ha, ha .. (breaks into condescending laughter)”.

I have digressed enough! But the point I am trying to make is the eerie resemblance I see with that little kid. Climate change, peak oil, terrorism, war, food shortages, water pollution, capitalism, poverty; I suppose all of them are here to stay but my obsession with the world’s inevitable collapse is not doing any good to my current existence! AND THAT IS GOING TO CHANGE FROM THIS DAY FORTH!

James Lovelock strongly believes that we have crossed the tipping point already and the catastrophic changes we are to witness will be irreversible. Now why would I believe a 90 year old independent scientist who has been a crazy maverick all his life? I don’t know. But what I do take from him is his statement in the guardian where he remarks that what is left is to enjoy and be happy! I don’t see quitting what I do now and go back to a life that I’ve gotten myself to detest beyond reconciliation but what I do see is the need to keep working while maintaining a balanced head and a more genial demeanor.

So what is this balanced life and how should I achieve it? Or wait, I am still not done throwing up my issues onto this post just yet! Like they say, when you seek a fresh start you should let go of your past completely! I work for myself and I am quite happy about that. I do not see the need for pleasing anybody and therefore do not blame anybody for my wrongs! So this current predicament I face, I do not attribute to the stars and neither to my loved ones for I have been blessed with a life where I can be independent and make my own decisions. This predicament stems from the fact that I have not inquired enough and have been dishonest to myself and the latter has been the most difficult to face up to in the last few months. It is really not about the money but the need for a change that I envision and preach but unable and rather indisciplined at changing myself. And thanks to an amazing woman who is untiringly honest and who helps me realize that honesty is after all, the ultimate value that I (if not everybody) need, I can see how my life is shaping up.

So what is it that I would be needing?

a) Getting the fatalist out of me – I suppose having an extreme emotional connect to the dangers I read about is fueling this fatalism but it is important to maintain that emotional connect while not letting it go haywire i.e not dwelling on them and screwing my head! Even if peak oil were to bring the world down to its knees I would not let it bring me down to mine! (In prayer or pain!)

b) Get a little ambitious – I look at people my age and cannot but feel a sense of sympathy towards them. But as many headless chickens as I may see, I still lack a fair amount of ambition! Ambition to figure out the means for my survival and possibly the survival of my own family(wife and kids) I might one day have! Ambition to be someone who can bring out a change rather than just foreseeing apocalypse.

c) Get more disciplined – can’t make it any simpler than this. It takes discipline to do a boring 9 to 5 job everyday, takes discipline to sit in an elevator pressing buttons all day for a job, takes discipline to be a good son or a boy friend and it takes more discipline than ever when you have set your sights on changing the world!

d) Be more friendly – ok, this is surprisingly tough! Once you have begun to live in a world of ideals that manifest into surreal and mostly unreal ideas, it is bloody difficult to find people and friends any interesting. But in the real world, these simple friends make the difference between being some one and being no one!

e) Lets put a smile on that face! I don’t have to be the joker to see the funny side of life and neither do I need a constant dose of stand up comedy to keep myself upbeat. Seeing the lighter side of a day to day life is invaluable.

f) Focus focus focus! – irrespective of the change I bring, to keep at it and hope for the best is what I can and have to do. Focus on the job at hand instead of the futility of the job! NOT LOSE HOPE, that is the motto.

g) Be honest – simple! Be honest. be honest. to yourself and to everybody around.

h) Be constructive and don’t fuel a fire – I have found it easy to get carried away in a discussion where everybody is busy bashing the establishment. But I now know that bringing a solution to the table makes more difference than adding another problem. Always be constructive! No matter how bad the situation, look at the bright side. Even though it might seem impossible, be realistic and do not let situation get the better of you.

i) Get some financial security – I have gone on enough about money being the root of all evil but even the change I wish to bring will be difficult without a steady stream of currency! This will require a re-look at the options available and then choosing one of them that will not hamper the broad vision that I have undertaken.

j) But keep inquiring, reading, writing, talking and learning – this is the most crucial or otherwise I could just turn into the exact opposite of what I am now which does not really serve the purpose. Keep asking questions and seek more moments of inspiration from talking to and learning from others.

k) Drop that ego – this might I suppose solve everything but again it is the most difficult. There is no ratio or proportion of how much ego a man ought to have commensurate to his stature, well being or wisdom but I am quite convinced that a check on one’s ego is quite crucial to making real progress.

l) Try and figure out my final calling – dabbling in multiple things with equal seriousness will never fetch me anything and it is time I begin deliberating with strength the ultimate calling and purpose!

m) Never lose your personal interests – this I write with more ease than the others as I have never given up on my passion for cinema and music and in all probability never will.

If I ought be taken more seriously by others or even by myself in the long run, then I need to adhere to the above with dedication. I am quite positive of achieving this and setting personal goals over shorter periods will help me check my progress.

I do not know with what purpose I began this post but I sure do feel good at the end of it. Here’s to a new beginning that I hope will last and let me reach my greater purpose.

Cheers

a) Make a music album – This will definitely include lyrics that I write and music that I would probably compose through a mishmash of some of my favorite tunes. I do not wish to imagine the tone/feel of the album and instead let the words and the music consume me.

b) Make a film – short or documentary. No theme, no script, no storyboard. Just go out there, shoot, edit and play! I am just falling in love with the bursting of ideas in my head right now.

c) Write a small book – I began work on a book titled “Love in the times of global warming”. And if anybody does not steal the title, I would end up pursuing the same story and finish it one day.

d) Make street art – On the streets of Hyderabad, Paris and iceland; I dream of just letting my imagination run wild with a spray can or some really cool art.

e) Act in a play – I don’t care whats the story or who is cast besides me. I have experienced the joy of watching good plays and cherish the dream of being a part of one.

f) Do a stand up comedy routine for close friends – this might probably be the toughest but I would consider this a very prominent feather in me cap.

g) Sing and dance for me girl – if you ought to know, this has the potential to make her fall in love with me forever or dump my ass! and I shall focus on the former

h) Write a well researched piece on what anarchy means in the 21st century – I am obsessed in understanding anarchy and how it can actually be a reality in the next few decades. Wishful thinking? I don’t know.

i) Meet every relative of my extended family – why? I tend to surprise myself but if I achieve this, I shall definitely be patting my back for a long time to come.

j) Watch Sigur Ros, Nine inch nails, Radiohead, God is an astronaut and coldplay at a live concert wherever they may play.

There are a few more but I feel I have covered the essentials. I wish will positively accomplish them in my lifetime!

Here’s to a wonderful life, cheers!

1. Helicopter – Deer Hunter

Helicopter will be heard, revered and hailed as innocence that is twisted in a morbid mix of electronic and cheerful tones.

2. Shiva – Antlers

Shiva is one of those rare songs that has 2AM written all over it. Haunting and peaceful at the same time, it is best heard in the unpredictable dreary English weather or on night drive!

3. Skin of the night – M83

“Skin of the night” entices you with the veiled vocals, the rhythmic drum beat with the synths and the whole 80′s feel that the music emanates.

4. Beachy head (bonobo mix) – Bonobo

I can bet a million bucks on anybody who wouldn’t be bobbing their heads to “Beachy head”! Close your eyes and this simple composition is a perfect 2AM song.

5. Misread – Kings of Convenience

It might be 2 AM but without a song from the Kings of convenience to round the list up, late night sleep feels incomplete! Happy, depressing, simple, difficult, tender, truth,love .. the song has nothing and everything.

More lists coming up soon!

Peace!

When I look at my generation that has lived and experienced an unbelievable transformation of technology in all aspects of our life, I stand as clear testimony of how a generation has accepted this rapid change in lifestyle with very little or no resistance to change. I remember my days at school where note books were carefully ruled to make sure the child wrote well and evolved a sense of discipline and legibility in his/her writing. Intersecting the upper lines with the ‘D’s or the ‘F’s or daring to cross the lower lines with the short ‘p’s or ‘l’s was nothing less than a punishable offense and I tend to recollect my anguish at constantly erasing my indisciplined letters. I wonder if I ought to go back to those notebooks to write on but I fear they may have aged and gone out of print through the years.

It was 9th grade at DAV (my high school) where I took part in a calligraphy workshop and the speaker would go on about the art of writing and the indication of an individuals personality through his/her writing. Now I am only left to wonder what he would be thinking about this new age writing and communication. Maybe our selection of typeface on Microsoft word will be an indicator of our digital personality! From strictly ruled note books to plain boring pages to desktops and laptops to the ubiquitous cell phone, the evolution of how we write continuous to let itself dictated by technology. We surely have gained a lot and I would only sully myself if doubted the useful nature of this change but it does come with its set of pitfalls!

I guess one could easily ascribe this rapid change to the speed at which life moves these days. Why, only today I experienced the power of technology where I lay on my couch watching Tom Hanks in Castaway and being able to set up meetings in Ahmedabad, organize a venue in Hyderabad, mobilize people to work around a lake, send a few documents for printing and respond to people on mail, all with a little device in my hand. Bear in mind that communication happened via voice and text and the latter if written on paper would have taken an obscene amount of time to fulfill its job. Time is of the essence and for those who value time more than anything else, this change in communication behavior is useful if not vital. Then there is this whole different school of thought which talks of an emotional connect that the writer makes with his/her reader when the communique is written down by hand. This thought postulates that the time invested in writing something on paper is an indicator of the writers effort at communicating and reaching out to his/her reader. This is definitely an interesting theory but to me it seems more like the romanticism we generate around things that slowly drift from contemporary to being objects of reminiscence. Sufficed to say, I am quite the romantic kinds!

The genesis of this post in itself is an indicator again of the transition generation that I am a part of. A generation that is racing ahead on the back of technology but always keen to see whats left behind and never quite sure if the racing track is circular! There is after all a generation before me that is all but adept in the latest technology and constantly giving me a glimpse of how different things were in the past. For instance, I notice my dad trying to work with wordpads and notepads on my desktop but his best always appears when he puts pen to paper. Be it the hand writing or the lucidity in language, working with ink seems to give him more pleasure than pressing buttons. There is unmistakable focus on language, grammar and a whole other set of aspects of writing that come out strikingly to his reader. On the contrary, the digital world is clogged with abbreviations, chat lingo, emoticons, bad grammar and B grade language. Kids four or five years younger than me today, do not seem to be able to construct sentences without using short forms of words or chat lingo. One has to only read through their school or college notebooks and the evidence is all there!

I am writing this piece on my desktop and soon to post it on the blog that is accessible to millions of people in the world! I am often baffled by the kind of people who might read my blog and comment and when asked who I write for, like any other author out there, I take refuge in the lie that reads “for myself”. The purpose of writing is to communicate and if I am able to do so effectively and in a manner that moves or provokes the reader, I would consider my job done irrespective of the medium I use to communicate. Sufficed to say, I am obviously romanticized by the notion of writing on paper and though it has been a long time, I have a wonderful hand woven diary waiting to be filled with ink and a hand that is willing to oblige!

PS: Pen pals was a lovely concept indeed!

Peace!

1) You wake up every morning with thoughts of pending work in your head.

2) Every day goes by with at least two hours on the phone talking work

3) You meet a new guy everyday who makes it a point to remind you of the challenges in your field of work

4) You stumble upon at least one article daily that tells you the world is not a rosy little place, in fact its far from it.

5) You do not find time to talk to the ones you love and end up thinking of work when you finally do

6) You are constantly forced to question the purpose of life and you know there is no answer coming

7) You are staring idle at your computer screen hoping the refresh button will fetch you new mails

8 ) You begin to feel everyone around you is having it easy even while knowing they’re not.

9) You try hard to identify ten unique reasons why your life is hectic

10) The emotion and love that a few special individuals give you makes you wonder why!

I do not like to believe there is a “right” or “wrong” in what I do or how I do it. What keeps me going is the possibility that a certain feeling of goodness will prevail at the end and I will be there to experience it. That possibility is undoubtedly driven by a few remarkable people in my life and sufficed to say, I owe it all to them!

The applications are open to youth from all South Asian countries between the age group of 16-29. The application form can be downloaded here – http://ping.fm/rdX0u The deadline for the application is August 10th ’10.

I stood still savoring every moment
it filled me from through my veins
the sun nor the wind could bring me down
into the abyss of endless confusion

The trails lag and the future unclear
I ran ahead of others and left myself behind
now I am a sea of tranquil waters
but the storm is just around the corner

Enjoy this

The National is a brilliant indie act from Brooklyn and I’d kill to have a voice like Matt Berninger.

Peace!

In a way, if an individual assumes the risk of placing himself in the middle of a war in order to communicate to the rest of the world what’s happening, he’s trying to negotiate for peace. Perhaps that’s the reason for those in charge of perpetuating the war do not like to have photographers around. In the field where your experience is extremely immediate, what you see is not an image in the page of a magazine ten thousand miles away with the advertisements for Rolex watches on the next page, what you see is unmitigated pain, injustice and misery. Its occurred to me that if everyone could be there just once, to see for themselves what white phosphorous does to the face of a child, of what unspeakable pain the impact of a single bullet or how a jagged piece of shrapnel rips someones leg off. If everyone could be there to see for themselves the fear and the grief just one time, then they would understand that nothing is worth letting things get to the point where that happens to even one person, let alone thousands.

But everyone cannot be there and that is why photographers go there, to show them, to reach out and grab them, to make them stop what they are doing and pay attention to what is going on. To create pictures powerful enough to overcome the deluding effects of the mass media and shake people out of their indifference, to protest and by the strength of that protest to make others protest!

” – James Nachtwey

I am riding on a wave of inspiration after watching this documentary by Christian Frei that released in 2001. Documentary movies have always appealed to me with their deep sense of reality that is portrayed without holding anything back. War photographer takes us through the life of James Nachtwey who is undoubtedly one of the greatest war photographers the world has seen. His belief that pictures can truly make the viewer feel and understand reality is a true hallmark of a man who knows his job and values it.

I have never understood war and though history is spluttered with stories of gore, the more I read into it the more disillusioned I become. A life’s worth should be weighed in moments of love but our societies are weighing it in hatred and anger. What does it take to pick up a machete and axe another human being to death? What does it take to breed anger and hatred to an unprecedented level of human violence? What does it take to witness this and turn a blind eye? Society, it is often said, is a mirror of oneself. Is anger and hatred inherent in all beings waiting to be unleashed at the expense of another human? We are indeed beasts driven by instincts but what this documentary made me realize is more than the de facto nature of such events, it is our reaction to them that holds the key to breaking this disillusion.

One of the greatest tragedies of modern society is not the violence perpetrated by one human on another but the apathy that the rest of the world lives in while witnessing and also acknowledging the atrocities. James says, ” Advertisers are tired of having their products displayed next to images of human tragedy, they somehow feel it detracts from the saleability of their products”. The comparison is overwhelmingly heart wrenching and I cannot begin to fathom the depravity of such a human condition! To avoid facing reality and deluding ourselves by the hysteria created by mass media, our capacity to be compassionate and understanding to anothers tragedy is diminishing everyday. People are concerned and we see examples of great love and compassion everyday. These examples are an indication of the humanity within all of us and the innate nature to help those in need and those who are suffering. These examples give me hope that good will eventually triumph over evil.

Communication is the most important aspect of dealing with these tragedies and giving a voice to those who are oppressed. The recent rigged elections in Iran and the subsequent riots, the Iraq and Afghanistan war, the South Ossetia attack by Georgia, the elections and riots in Zimbabwe….these are all examples of the world at large coming together and talking about issues of grave concern. It is when I see an Indian thousands of miles away from Iran, voicing his concerns over the visible atrocities that I see hope for the future. It is when I see an African raising his voice to condemn the attacks in Iraq that show me providence and it is when I see a greater awakening amongst friends and fellow humans for the need to stand up against what is wrong and refuse to play a part in it that I truly believe our living is worth every moment.

The words of James ring true when he says,” And i think people are concerned, I think quite often publishers don’t give their audience enough credit for that. In fact at the end of the day, i think people do want to know when some major tragedy is going on, when there is some unacceptable situation happening in this world and they want something done about it and that’s what I believe. We must look at it, we are required to look at it and we are required to do anything we can about it.

IF WE DON’T…..WHO WILL? “

Peace!